When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Being ready means being unconditional. The state of being unconditional is different from passivity and stupidity. One should reflect on that.

Patrick Augé

The Aikido community is a rich resource and you have had many responses. You are not alone. I hope you find something that will shed light on your situation - it is not an uncommon one. I would like to share the following thoughts with you:

Many people believe that their Aikido, character, spiritual development, life, etc, will improve by asociation with this or that teacher and become obsessed with getting something out of it. With maturity, however, it soon becomes apparent that what you put into your Aikido is more important.

Having an idea of gaining something will only get in the way. Being obsessed with your own development, or vicariously basking in the reflected light of some charismatic teacher will only result in imitation at best, and a narrow arrogance at worst.

Student/teacher relationships formed on this basis rarely develop beyond the infatuation stage, and with time fade away as disillusionment sets in. It seems to me that you are at this stage. In reality relationships within Aikido do not always conform to the high ideals espoused by the art or by individual teachers. The techniques may be divine, but they are practiced by human beings.

Interestingly, O Sensei avoided this pitfall by travelling to different groups and teachers, responding to different needs at diffent times, like a visiting grandfather. And herein is a clue: your needs are no longer the same. Accept this and move on!

While it is true that Shu Ha Ri is a natural developmental principle, it is one that can only be facilitated by a teacher that has undergone the process themselves. In reality such teachers are rare. In any event Shu Ha Ri is a never ending process, which led O Sensei to say:

“The great path is really no path at all”

Beware of teachers who claim to have gone through this, and remember that there is no such thing as self conscious virtue.

I was once told by a very old Japanese teacher (83), very closely connected to O Sensei, that “each person must find their own way by purifying their own heart through practice”. He was talking about not having any gaining idea, overcoming the desire to pin or throw, and losing physical strength to allow kokyu ryoku to naturally arise. He also added that this is not easy, and that a teacher cannot give you this - he was in his late seventies before he understood this.

The Aikido road is both broad and long, full of diversity and richness. No one teacher or style has a monopoly on Aikido. So shop around! Be comfortable with yourself and you will find your teacher - perhaps he/she is not so far away. I wish you luck.

The question is: is our teacher here for us or is he here for himself?

How is his life style? Brand name articles, fancy cars, mindless hobbies and activities, whimsical spouses, secret personal life, etc.? Or did he prepare the proper environment and conditions to continue his study? How does he deal with daily life? Does he tell us what we want to hear or does he tell us what he thinks? Is it obvious that he has his students’ best interest at heart and has been maintaining that attitude in spite of all the model students who have left him for whatever reason?

Having one’s students’ best interest at heart doesn’t mean giving them what they want, it means giving them what they need, which is often contradictory.

Did he leave his own teacher or was he expelled and avoids the subject or has he maintained the relationship with his teacher and often talks about him without hiding the fact that there were disagreements at times?

Is our teacher a public person, does he make himself available to his students, will he make the time to listen? How are his senior students, the product of his teachings? Is it an unreachable clique or a group of compassionate students who close the gap between our teacher and us? How do they behave when the teacher is away?

Is our teacher a human being? Is he struggling with his weaknesses and does he admit them and work on improving himself?

Those are not the only questions to ask, but they may help in seeing more clearly through one’s emotions.

In all relationships there are problems. Doubt is healthy when it leads to researching the truth in order to make a decision. Doubt is wrong when it becomes the excuse to avoid making a decision. Many students who left their teachers without fully understanding their actions and their consequences end up being treated the same way by their own students. It may go for another generation or so but will die for want of the spirit that ensures the continuation of the lineage.

When the relationship is based on the right reasons, all difficulties become opportunities to strengthen that relationship. Otherwise the slightest problem becomes the excuse for running away from the relationship.

If you decide to leave your teacher over deep disagreement with him, then do it cleanly. Return your ranks, certificates, all that which you received from him. That will be the best expression of your disagreement. Look for another teacher, explain the situation and do not expect any special treatment since you will be considered as a high risk student and will have to establish your credibility, which may take time. That may help you if you later find out that you made a mistake and want to go back to your teacher. But be ready to start again from the bottom.

If your priority is to learn, be unconditional, accept anything, do not victimize yourself.

Patrick Augé

I believe a good teacher wants his/her students to maintain integrity. That is the best way to honor that teacher and show loyalty. Obedience - nah!

Wishing you well,
Cecelia

However, since I left my Dojo a month ago, I have grown more Spiritually, physically (health), and expanded my business, and intimate relationships with many, all in less than a month than I did in the past few years. As the say goes, close one door, open another.

For me the most important thing is to practice Aikido, the “way of Being” in my everyday life and I do. Be kind, caring and understanding of everyone’s way, of everyone’s path since all Paths’ lead to the same place which often, when Ego is involved, is so hard to see.