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Mugged: Lessons in Aikido

About a year ago, I was mugged (this article was mostly written at that time) on a BART train while returning from visiting a friend on the Eastern Bay of Northern California. I had been sensing sketchy vibes on the train right from the beginning: it was packed full of unsavory, creepy characters, wannabe gang members, or otherwise hardened, indifferent looking people who clearly had high mental barriers erected all around them. After the incident, I later wondered to myself: in attempting to retain a calm and relaxed mindset in the context of an unfamiliar and potentially threatening environment, perhaps the crudeness of atemi is sometimes the most sensible move.

I was sitting innocuously in my seat, when a thuggish looking African American man, age 25-30, came up and sat down next to me. I graciously offered the seat and even moved over for him! Imagine that. This action tied in directly to emotions and philosophies I had been grappling with during this time period related to sensing others’ energy around me and the openness (or lack thereof) of people to one another in the context of a public environment.

The previous day, while in San Francisco, I had been feeling particularly open, and the energy I observed and felt from people was almost overwhelming—I was exhausted by the end of the day. The trick to the best kind of empathy is to feel others’ emotions without letting them stay inside you; you have to let them flow through you or else you’ll going to be rendered helpless—or be taken advantage of, in this case. In the past day I had offered lychee fruit to three total strangers, feeling happy with myself for breaking down typical social barriers, thinking of all the times poor people in alleyways and trains in Morocco and China offered me food…

But then, this is America. I forgot. I forgot that we live in the most violent first-world society on the planet, even eclipsing quite a few less developed countries in our rates of homicide and levels of social and economic equality—largely relics of slavery, I am sure, considering the majority of both victims and perpetrators of violent crime in this country are young, black males.

This guy reeked of cigarette smoke. His teeth were yellow and silver. He leaned over and whispered, speaking softly to me. At first I thought he was just selling something. The second he started talking I knew I shouldn’t have let him sit down, but I was trapped by then; I allowed him entry in trying to blend in and not show fear or surprise in response to his swagger. I first thought he was trying to sell me drugs, as he had said something about “10 dollars.” Months of practice dodging scammers and potentially hazardous situations across alleyways and bus stations through unfamiliar places during travel experiences started flushing back to me. In a well-rehearsed monotone, I said, “Sorry, I’m not interested,” and turned away.

It was then that he said, very softly in a slight drawl (and it was this calm indifference that was the most frightening part), “No nigga, give *me* ten dollars…I got a piece.” He gently opened his jacket to show a slight bulge in his side pocket.

I stopped here and I realized how wrong and foolish I had been and I struggled to retain my composure. I suddenly realized that, for starters, I had no money in my wallet in the first place —and a very strong, warm rushing feeling of blood swept through my whole chest and spine. I began to recall stories about robbers killing their victims in a fit of rage when it turned out they didn’t have any money.

I said calmly, “I don’t have any money, I only have change.” He lowered his demand slightly, “Give me three dollars.” Pretty laughable, in retrospect. I realize all along he could have been bluffing, but was it worth dying over? As much as I was later outraged that this was allowed to transpire at 7:30 PM on public transportation surrounded by other people, at the time, I was not so much worried that he would truly be stupid enough to shoot me on board; I was more afraid of he and his friends following me out of the station after I got off.

All the same, I was wondering what was best to do. Should I call out? Just say no? My mom told me I should have gotten mad and said something like, “What!? Are you out of your ****ing mind?! Get the **** out of my ****ing face. This is a tactic that might work well for my mom, a 45-year old 5’4 woman, because people don’t expect a small white woman to be so aggressive and it throws them off guard. It’s part of why she’s such a fearsome lawyer, and I also know that she successfully warded off would-be attackers in the past. However, I felt that such a tactic was a little risky for myself.

I pulled out all the change from my pockets. “Gimme the money, yeah, give me all the money,” he repeated; it just so happened that I happened to have just about exactly three dollars in quarters.

As I was handing them to him, I said, “Will this help you get somewhere?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you need this, will this help you get where you need to go?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok, then take it, if you need it, I hope it helps you.”

It seems absurd in retrospect, but I think this was part of how I dealt with the situation to make it less scary; ho ho ho! Certainly this gentlemen isn’t threatening me bodily harm; I’m voluntarily giving money to someone who needs it! I think this rationalization just helped me get through these moments and allowed me to continue to act as calm and normal as possible.

Thankfully, he then left the seat and I quickly changed cars. He and his friends got off at the next stop. I got off two stops later.

I was relieved but shook up. I later felt sad and upset, not so much that this had happened to me, but that this could happen in such a veil of normalcy within a small radius of one of the wealthiest areas in the world.

The preceding blog entry was submitted by one of our readers. If you would like to submit your own entry, please click here. Be sure to read over the rules and guidelines before submission.

Nick Herman — May 29th, 2007 (add comment)

Reader Comments

JOSE SANTOS writes:

You did the right thing. Three dollars in change is nothing compared to injuries that may happen to all involved if you did something drastic.

Life is too precious.

Clark Bateman writes:

Key statement: “he and his friends”… If you had confronted, you could have been in a world of hurt. Don’t fight unless you have no choice. This time you had a choice, and you made the right one.

Zung Nguyen writes:

I admire the way you responded to the thug.

It’s just money that you lost.

Think of it as “forced charity” and smile!

You did the only right thing.

Have a great day wherever you are on this WEB!

Zung

Charles Warren writes:

Funny thing, after spending a year in Mexico and the South Pacific on my boat I had gotten sort of relaxed. Suppose that must have been mistaken for spaciness by the lower denizens of Honolulu. Had two mugging attempts in two weeks. Put some tension in my body and a slight anger furrow between my brows and took care of the problem. Once you’re trapped there aren’t a lot of options. You took one that seemed right at the time and lived to tell about it. On an occasion had a fellow stick a gun in my face. Still curse that I did a “dojo” technique and failed to get it. Moral of the story: whatever you have been told about extending open hands, if you have a chance to grab the weapon, grab it. In the particular instance the fellow got that close and had a chance to draw by feigning friendship. Didn’t end up giving him anything.

Stanley Pranin writes:

Comment submitted on Aikido Journal forum in reply to this blog:

So, what? We gotta applaud this as good Aikido? You mean I studied 16 years to learn this sort of skill, to respond to this sort of situation like this?

Come on, you gotta be kidding. You didn’t do anything great. You think you lived to fight another day, but really, you succumbed to your fear, and you allowed a bad person to have his way once again.

And then others respond by saying “You did the right thing”. Its really just potential victims making you, the real victim, feel better about yourself, because they too live in fear of this sort of thing happening to them.

What a joke.

So people might counter and say “at least he is still alive”, and I have to ask “Is that really living? Cowering under the will and intimidation of another person? Allowing someone to physically and emotionally threaten you, and force you against your will? Then carry on afterwards knowing that he is out there doing this to other people again, with maybe more serious or deadly consequences?”

I’ve been in this situation several times before, years and years ago, and still remember these encounters with perfect clarity, as though it was only yesterday. However, the only feeling I am left with now, is that I wish I had stood up to my attackers and intimidators with courage and defiance. Even if I had been seriously injured or killed, I know I would have been doing the right thing.

This article illustrates a common phenomenon in our modern, so called civilised society - the “somebody elses problem” attitude. People are afraid of taking a stand for themselves out of fear of the consequences, and deferring the problem on in the hope that somebody else will deal with it.

A lady can be screaming for help on a busy street, being mugged in broad daylight, and everyone walks past not wanting to help.

A plane load of people can allow a few weak minded, but violent individuals armed with no more than box cutter knives, hold them hostage and lead them to their deaths.

Where is the simple, human logic in that?

So what are actually doing martial arts for? What do we think we are learning when we put on our uniform and step on the mat, day after day, year after year?

What do we really think Aikido is…?

Jason Wotherspoon

J. Sorrentino writes:

I am happy that you survived this robbery with no physical injuries.

However, given that the robbers chose YOU, rather than any of the other “hardened, indifferent looking people who clearly had high mental barriers erected all around them,” perhaps it is time for you to develop those skills. At the very least, it will give you the psychological tools to use when empathy and grace are not appropriate.

Your mother’s approach (righteous anger) works not because of her appearance, but because robbers do not expect a prospective victim to offer resistance. A fierce expression of righteous anger can take the criminal’s balance, at least for a crucial moment. Since your mother is an effective attorney, you might ask her how she persuades her opponents (as well as juries and judges) to do what she wants. My guess is that she brings the weapons of rational argument and properly applied legal precedent to support her “fearsome” reputation when she is in an adversary proceeding.

I urge you to read Jeffrey Snyder’s 1993 article, “A Nation of Cowards”, at http://www.rkba.org/comment/cowards.html. Mr. Snyder, a lawyer, trained briefly in aikido. His article may help you prepare your mind and spirit for any future confrontation. Of course, proper mind-set is not enough. You will have to decide what physical skills (including proper use of weapons) you will develop to implement your will. Good luck!

Zung Nguyen writes:

I am not sure what “good Aikido” is. I am only a beginner. My guess is that O’Sensei would not even get on the train. And that’s good Aikido, I suppose.

But what has happened has happened. Nick (I assume that’s the name of the person who recounted this misadventure) was caught in a train cabin with a bunch of bad guys (Nick is so polite: he still calls this thug a “gentleman”). The thug showed him something that might look like a deadly weapon. Nick knew he had exactly 3 bucks on him. Was it worth risking serious/permanent/fatal injuries for 3 bucks? Remember there were quite a few other “bad” people surrounding Nick. One is kidding oneself to think that all that dojo “randori” training would work in this situation.

IMOO (in my own opinion) Nick made a very sensible decision to give up the 3 bucks. Nick’s pride was bruised somewhat, but let’s practice good Aikido by letting it go and moving forward. Let’s try not to hold on to successes nor failures and move forward.

Allow me to quote the following from Terry Dobson’s taped seminar.

“…I don’t know if I could do it out on the street. I teach a class, I go out there, there’s a situation out there which requires me to be unafraid. I am not sure. I don’t know. I’ve only been practicing thirty years. It takes 60, 70, may sevral lifetimes to get to that peak of absolute assurance, absolute centeredness…”

Have a great day/afternoon/evening/night wherever you are on this WEB!

Zung